Egg-ceptional!
by hockeyfanmaddy
Summary: Mario's team was the Penguins. And penguins, like other birds, lay eggs... Rated M for graphic details.
1. Mario

**Mario's team was the Penguins. And penguins, like other birds,** ** _lay eggs..._**

"C-Crosby? Sid?"

"Yes?"

"I, uh, meet me in the bathroom." He ran upstairs. Crosby followed.

 **Once they were there:**

"Grab a towel and lay it on the floor, Sid."

Sid grabbed a lux, fleece towel of a camel color, and lied it flat, crease and fold-free on the ceramic tile floor.

"Sid, I must undress."

Sidney watched as Mario painstakingly took his pants/underwear off and lied down upon the towel, butt facing Sid.

"Sid, I lay eggs."

"What?!"

"Hey, don't look at me! You'll eventually do it too! What _did_ you think would happen being on a team named after a bird?"

Sid was about to counter this, but a black/yellow splotched bulge protruding from Mario's anus said otherwise.

" _*Pained grunt*_ Sid! It's coming out! I can't control it!"

"C'mon, Mario, it's almost out.", Sid tried _not_ to sound disgusted from the pink, blood-spotted membrane bubble that popped once 90% of the egg was out, slathering its bloody goo onto the towel. He also tried not to sound aroused by Mario's bunghole that he swore was made of elastic because of its maximum stretching ability.

The egg fell with a muted thud on the towel, as Mario sighed in slight relief, and his hole shrinking to house...ANOTHER EGG!

"Oh, god.", Mario strained. "This one's even worse!" His hole opened to let the egg out, an inch at a time, then shrunk around the bulbous mass, blood trickling down the shell. Mario gripped the towel, secured his feet, and lifted his ass up.

"Sid, hold your ears. I'm gonna be loud."

Sid did so, for safety's sake.

" _*hiss*_ AAAAAUUUUGHHH! It hurts soooo f'n much!"

 ** _*SCHLORP!*_**

" _*sigh*_ Whoo! That's better!"

Both eggs were out. One with black splotches on a yellow shell, one with yellow splotches on a black shell. Crosby, ears uncovered, said:

"They're- _they're just so beautiful!_ "

Mario groaned as he hobbled/limped to the toilet.

"What?"

"Afterbirth." Mario squirted out into the bowl the remains of the eggs' pouch of membrane (that sheltered them while in his body) into a lumpy, stagnant stew of poo chunks and urine.

"Oh dear god. _That_ felt _niiiice._ _Umph!_ That's it."

Sid just watched. Watched as _Le Magnifique_ was dumping out tissue, membrane, and dense bodily waste.

 _*grunt!* *plop!*_

"Ahhh! _It just slides on out!_ "

Right when the final bit was shot out with a _*ka-PLUNK!_ *, he invited Crosby over to look at his bowels' accomplishment. Sid immediately regretted agreeing to that. The pearl white bowl's contents was a skin as thin as Saran wrap, trapping one long, hard man-dump log, on the shore of a murky brown sea. The smell, reeking of rubbish that hasn't been taken out in a week, made his inner nose sting in agony.

"Eeugh! Why does it smell _so bad?!_ "

"That, my friend, is the decomposing membrane and rotting, waste-mixed blood."

As Sid watched that poor toilet swirl and churn that vomit-inducing concoction into the plumbing, he couldn't think of what was more astonishing: the breathtaking designs of the eggs, or the fact that a GROWN MAN had laid them.


	2. Sid

The next day, Sid felt a cramping pain in his gut mid-practice. He politely asked to leave to use the restroom (in the locker room) for some reason or another. His teammates said he didn't even have to ask.

On his way there, the pain kept on getting more and more worse.

"Oh god! Was it something I ate? Drank? Maybe I didn't wait long enough after eating to start practice."

Finally, he was there. Once Sid pulled down that sports gear and pants of his, he remembered what Mario said about the eggs, and how he was going to become victim to it sooner or later. Today was the day. Sid's insides submitted to the one and only part of the body responsible for this: the colon/bowels. Sid couldn't do this sitting at a toilet. The locker room was empty. _Lucky for him._

His sport towel was waiting in his locker, all nice and clean, ready to take on any blood or fluid that was to be thrown at it. He posed like Mario would, lying down, ass ready to shoot itself up.

"Uh!" Sid eased the shelled mass out, until it touched the towel. Next, he tried something new. He reached down to his hole and pulled on the egg, the thing hardly fitting in his hand. All in all, it worked. His inner anal flesh admitted defeat, and shot it on out with a _*squelch*_. Sid pushed again, in case if there were any more.

Yep.

The next one he just forced out whilst lying down, giving his balloon knot a run for its money.

"Urrrgh!"

Sid looked down. The towel, not as badly stained as Mario's, displayed the two watermelon-sized eggs, one in black, one in yellow, with very basic details (black/yellow specks). Not as captivating a design as Mario's. Regardless, there they were. Sid's first two freshly-laid eggs, gleaming in the birthing fluid.

He had to hide them, but how?

Sid put them in his locker safe and concealed in the towel. He had no other choice.


	3. Jake's Reaction

He didn't know how to tell the team. How could he? Well, after some decision-making, Sid decided it was best to say it like Mario did.

"Guys," he called for their attention. They flocked to him as if they couldn't wait any longer to find out what happened to him, in a _bathroom_ , of all places!

"I don't know how else to say this, but... I lay eggs."

The crowd murmured in surprise and disgust.

"Eggs?"

"Like, out of his..."

"Eww!"

"Yeah, um, they came out of _here_ ," he said, gesturing towards his rump.

"Ohh!"

"But still, ew."

Sid's stomach growled.

"Oh, erm, that reminds me," he started back to the bathroom. "I need to, pack up my stuff." Sid speed-walked back. Of course, Jake Guentzel was not swayed by Sid's shallow approach. He knew there was more to this.

"Oh yeah?", a voice behind him echoed. Sid turned around to see Jake, in all his blond, Nebraskan glory.

"I am not leaving, Sid. I am going to follow you to this palace where you sit upon your throne of lies."

"Speaking of throne," He was stuck. He had nothing else to say. Jake chased Sid to the locker room stalls. He barely got there by the skin of his teeth. Jake just met him up at the stall door when it slammed shut right in front of him.

"Ha-ha! Got ya now!"

With that, Jake was pissed. He banged on the door from the outside. Sid still teased.

"You ain't gettin' in! I'm smarter than you!"

"Heyy, _what's this_?" Jake asked, looking towards the towel in Sid's locker.

"Nunya business!"

"Aw, come on!"

Sid tried as best and as fast as he could to pour out whatever afterbirth he had waiting in him. He could care less if Jake heard.

"*grunt* Ahhh..."

*plip-plop!*

"Wow. They're so beautiful!"

Sid's heart sank. _He found them._ As quick as he could, he wiped, flushed, and got out, only to find Jake holding the yellow one with black specks. He looked at him. Right at him.

"I've seen stuff much more beautiful."

With that, the egg fell to the rock-hard concrete and cracked open into a mess to remember. What was once an eye-catching man egg laid by a modern Lemieux, was on the gray concrete that was the Pens' locker room floor, a yolk as big as his palm, lying in a mosaic of black and golden yellow shell fragments.


End file.
